I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
