I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
