I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
