so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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