I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
