I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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