she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
