Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
