just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
