Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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