i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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