I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
