I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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