I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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