I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
