i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
