dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
