Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I cockslap morals
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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