Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A+ Viking dick
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
