Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
