i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
