I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pooping to opera.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
