for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
