this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
