haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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