She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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