were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize