Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
