btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
