hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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