dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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