I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
