dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
