i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize