I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize