On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
