let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
