yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
