his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize