it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're like the curious george of whores
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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