I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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