Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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