So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
