my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
