I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
