wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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