yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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