This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just blew my weed a kiss
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The Olympian is in my bed
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