Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
