its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
