The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
