Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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