when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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