They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
