I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
