Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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