Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
