After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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