Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
