i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
