Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think my moral compass just broke
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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