they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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