You're my little dorito
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
