come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
