Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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