Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
